Undiscovered

The moment these pair of eyes opened its blinds this morning, the people, the past, the sound, the air, the crave, hit me like a gust of dusk wind.

I want to go back there. For I fear this place.

Trying my best to push it through. Got an offer to work on a film set in July.
Going, going, gone.

I hope, I wish, I want, for all this to not only be something I see when my eyes are shut. Let’s make it all the more real. Let this fantasy come alive.

Whatever has been missing, can be replaced for good.
Only if this comes to play.

Burning in a tub of fire. Continuing in this realm of haze.
I hate this place. Too familiar. Too many memories.
Unready to revisit, but chained here, all I’m able to do is close my eyes and hold my breath.
& I miss you already LYZ.

Would it all have ended the same?
Slowly watching everyone find their contentedness, happiness.
While I struggle breathlessly to pull myself out of this quicksand, to move on, to find the betters.
But I just sink and sink, with every new memory, the more haunting the older ones become.
There’s no air left now.

Your innate ability to understand, I occasionally strongly miss it.

Someone like you, is a rarity.
Someone I could live with every day, every waking hour.
I’ll be missing a part of me when you leave.
So I plead you…come back soon.
So we can get bubble tea, eat chicken over rice, be human translations, act like idiots on the streets, lay in bed sighing about boy problems, look into the mirror and complain about ourselves, walk into each other’s rooms at 2 in the morning….and just, be together.

You gave me more of a purpose to keep striving to breathe in this lifetime.

Take the me 5 years ago, take the me now.
To what extent have I grown for better, for worse?
Who am I now?
Who will I be in another 5 years?
One time, one go, one chance, to make it worth whatever it’s worth.

(Source: nelielquiorra, via dreamongood)

Dream to dream. I love to dream. I will achieve this dream. I am in control of my destiny, and this is what you are going to be.

Chasing to the ends of the lands.

In my mind I’m chasing and chasing. Chasing this dream. All I want in this lifetime has now become this. Only this.

But, to what extent can I really chase this dream?
Before I need to back up, and learn that I cannot survive on this?

And at this time I want to pray to a God, and plead for a helping hand, to make this dream, this fantasy, to become a reality. The one other thing that makes me so honestly happy - don’t tell me I even have to let this go too.